In Honor of the Boston Tragedy

I am deeply saddened by the Boston Marathon tragedy. While most of us look at tragedies in the negative way that they really are, the positives are that: 1) we strengthen our relationships and communities, 2) seek to assist families in need, 3) and begin dialogues about the direction of society. Today, I had the honor of talking to NBC NEWS 4 Anchor Melissa Carlson about how we really see a stronger sense of community and strengthened  relationships emerge as a result of tragedy.

An event like this deeply impacts us because we think about that 8 year-old boy & think of how it impacts his family, his school, his friends. That creates a sentiment that makes us behave more altruistically. As we have seen with funds being established to assist the Richard & Corcoran families This was a random event at a massive event that anyone could be in attendance. When we begin to feel like it could have been any of us or that we can’t comprehend senseless death/tragedy , we want to change the nature of society. We think it can happen any where to any one of us. That makes us all become vigilantes in a way. Tragedies help strengthen and form communities. Some resources for anyone wanting to help those impacted by this tragedy:

New England Patriots‘ The Kraft family announced it will match $100,000 in donations to support marathon tragedy victims. patriots.com/donate

New England Patriot‘s defensive captain Vince Wilfork has a Text to donate campaign: “Text VINCE to 50555 to donate $10 to the Vince Wilfork Foundation all proceeds usntil end of the month will benefit victims of Boston bombs.”

Can’t get to your office on Boylston Street? Workbar is offering office space, free access to Wi-Fi, meeting rooms, and warm cups of coffee.

The Tavern in Framingham will hold a fund-raiser on Wednesday, April 17 from 3 p.m. until closing.

Source and additional resources can be found at: http://www.boston.com/news/source/2013/04/boston_marathon.html

Are you secretly dating any of these?

Most relationship failures are related to some unresolved pain caused by someone else that you may have repressed. Most of the time when we are dating we don’t realize that we’re learning more about ourselves. Unexpressed emotions are some of the keys that keep us from finding our ideal partner. However, most of us don’t deal with the source of what caused the pain in past failed relationships which sometimes creates patterns and cycles.  Here are a few of the top unexpressed emotions that delay our happiness.

Jealousy=Insecurity

Insecurities are created from past experiences that could be from childhood, past relationships, former marriages, any life event that made you feel you were less than what you really are. You then took this definition and began designing yourself around it for years. When you compare yourself to others, you are already working from a deficit perspective and wonder why everyone else seems to get what they want, yet you don’t. The way people remedy that? By controlling factors in other’s lives that they can’t control for in their own lives. It’s easy to constantly look at someone else, talk about what they have and not create it in your own life. 

Expectations=Underlying resentment

Resentment occurs because you expected one set of outcomes and go the opposite or worse than what you anticipated. Which is a function of life: things don’t always go the way we planned it or wanted it to be. How do some of us deal with life not turning out the way we want? By creating new expectations . Expectations becomes a form of defense mechanism to prevent some from experiencing deep seated resentment when things and people fail them.

Anger=Misdirected expression

The expression of anger is usually due to a cumulative of life events that you experienced that you thought were unfair. Usually these past life events and its impact on the person span over decades: childhood trauma, abusive parents, sexual trauma, death of a parent, or disease. How do you resolve being treated unfairly? By treating others unfairly .  Instead of dealing with what caused the hurt, some find it easier to direct it towards others as a way to resolve their pain.

Codependency=Lack of support

In the case of codependency, the lack of support has to do with not having people around them that understands them. When they do meet someone that understands them and they can share their true selves with, that person becomes their new addiction. It’s created because people want to feel real connection. How do some deal with not cultivating the right people around them? By people pleasing the one’s that let you consistently not grow. People that are codependent usually seek validation, but they ascribe it to the wrong person.

Wow! I am in awe of these exceptional bloggers & awards!

I am always honored and moved by exceptional bloggers nominating me for awards. I feel truly awarded by their thoughtfulness, support, and inspiration. I have had the honor of being nominated for these outstanding awards:

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the following amazing bloggers who nominated me:

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

robertmudge.wordpress.com/

http://bonnevivantelife.wordpress.com/

iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

Beautiful Blogger Award

 Nominated by the inspirational iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

Versatile Blogger Award

Nominated by the inspirational robertmudge.wordpress.com/

Liebster Award

Nominated by the inspirational frankiedman.wordpress.com & http://reflectionsofasinglegirl.wordpress.com 

So the rules are that I have to: 1) thank the person who gave it to me, 2) share 7 possible things that are unknown about me,  3) nominate 15 bloggers, and 4) notify the nominees of their nomination.

1. I try to hide my geekiness. I guess not all that well So I’m told
2. Michael Jordan’s Nike Maybe It’s My Fault commercial is my source of motivation.
3. I like watching Comedy Central before I go to sleep. It’s how I strike a mental balance.
4. I believe in a highly romanticized version of love  I know. Don’t judge!
5. I can’t stand jealousy, self-absorption and selfishness.
6. I am a Leo!

This is in no ranked order. I admire and am inspired by them all equally. The list of my nominees are:

Very Inspiring Blogger

 http://ayaime.wordpress.com/

http://bornoutofbourbon.wordpress.com/

http://clarkkent07.wordpress.com/

http://nanafeneba.wordpress.com

http://theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

http://chinupchesthigh.wordpress.com/

gregariouswolf.wordpress.com

algarveblogdotnet.wordpress.com

http://invisiliz.com/

findingthewilltolive.wordpress.com

whataheartcanhold.wordpress.com

royalityme.wordpress.com

http://iamforchange.wordpress.com/

http://whymarriagematters.wordpress.com/

http://truthbunny.wordpress.com/

http://julienmatei.com/

http://corneliusagrippa.wordpress.com/

Versatile Blogger

frankiedman.wordpress.com

robertmudge.wordpress.com/

iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

Liebster

http://howaboutwenot.com/

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

Beautiful Blogger

http://proportionsinlife.wordpress.com

robertmudge.wordpress.com/

http://bonnevivantelife.wordpress.com/

iprodigaldaughter.wordpress.com

theothersideofugly.wordpress.com

http://reflectionsofasinglegirl.wordpress.com

Top things you can do to ensure your happiness.

In honor of International Happiness Day, I have compiled a list of things that either reminds us of what happiness can be or what we can do to get to a state of happiness.

1. People demonstrate what they are. We don’t pay attention to the signs.
2. People are what they are, not what you want them to be.
3. Life doesn’t happen to you. You have to play an active role in shaping it.
4. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Identify the reason things are compelling you to do the things that you don’t want to do/that don’t make you happy.
5. Sometimes you only realize someone’s worth when they are gone.
6. Spending time with someone that doesn’t make you happy delays 2 people’s happiness: theirs and yours.
7. You choose all that you allow in your life.

It’s not you, it’s me. It is you. The 3 D’s to help you get closer to that ideal person.

Relationships can be challenging because of the things that are unresolved within us. We learn more about ourselves while we are in relationships through mirroring or confrontation of our true selves. This sometimes causes hurt because you might be resolving past hurt in a current relationship or dealing with aspects of yourself that are unexplored.

Sometimes we experience relationship failures because of our expectations. Those expectations become the disillusionment in the relationship. Here’s what we can do: the 3 D’s to help get closer to that ideal person.

1. Distinguish between what you need and want. Your previous relationships where all tests of what you thought you wanted or needed or a combination of both. Extract the answers from those past experiences.
2. Define what your happiness hypothesis entails. Be honest with yourself. The #1 person we lie to is ourselves. Despite the hurt you might have experienced, it made you recognize the things that you won’t find acceptable in another relationship.
3. Decide what you want your life will look like with your ideal partner 5 years from now. Sometimes we focus on the immediate goals or just that we found someone. Go beyond the immediate time frame and add into the mix what it will be like to have that person along with you during major life events and how that person will handle goal-seeking together.

Watch the premiere of play ideal date! An Official Hangout on Air during Social Media Week!

I have recently had the honor of being an Official Hangout on Air during Social Media Week. A special thanks to Google, Google+  Social Media Week, Concentric Media, Nicky Yates  for the opportunity to premiere my new online dating concept!

This is a true honor! To have an idea that I developed years ago to have the technology, stage, and support to make this a reality is beyond description for me! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaDNCY_qRP4&feature=g-user-u

I developed this concept to offer people a unique approach to dating.  What makes Play Ideal Date different is a mixed method matching system based on personalized attention and online participation. I have created a questionnaire and algorithm that will guide the matching system and the show. All participants will complete a questionnaire and then I will select candidates that I will include as the featured guest. Together with the featured guest, we will determine the key variables of the algorithm that will be used to guide the game on the dating show! Once the featured guest and I have determined the key priority areas that completes their algorithm, I use that to screen for potential candidates to be included in the show. This information will be used to guide the show! Another feature that makes our process even more intriguing is the Google Hangouts cameraman app that allows us to hide and mute our guest from influencing any of the contestant’s answers.  Play Ideal Date is designed to be a modern version of The Dating Game and you can find us on the web at http://playidealdate.com.

If you’re interested in participating please email me at info@playidealdate.com for the questionnaire and show requirements. All of your information will be held confidential.

Want to spice up Valentine’s Day?

It’s Valentine’s Day and whether we are in a relationship or not, this holiday is designed to remind us about love. Love is not just an emotion, it’s an ability. So, let’s rightsize this holiday for everyone, shall we.

Single’s Awareness Day

I think that a mixed dating method is a better approach to dating. For the simple reason that once you are offline and in a relationship it is the interaction that will sustain the relationship. Although rejection might be a driving deterring factor in public dating, it amazes me that it is not a deterrent in any other area of life you desire. Do we think about it during a job interview, a graduate school application, or salary negotiations?

The restaurants are all packed and serving pre-fixe dinners. What to do? Hmm. Nothing like starting an online dating profile on a day when you know other singles have no dinner plans. These are the two sites that I recommend:

1. IvyDate is a simple, easy-to-use, matching based online dating website that features Ivy League graduates. All members are reviewed and approved by IvyDate. You are matched up with exceptional singles who value intellectual curiosity, love of learning, creativity, drive and determination.
2. Matchmaker Café is a Facebook application that allows you to connect with people without being Facebook friends first. MMC sets up members on real dates at a real cafe through the network of a real matchmaker. For many, the advantages are that the app and services are very schedule and time conscious. They make the dates happen and introduce you when you get there. Sign-up is through Facebook, where you can set your own privacy settings.

Amateur/Rookie Night

I recently had the honor of being a guest on Maria Quiban’s MommyLovesTech Sex, Marriage & Romance: Valentines Special on Keeping the Flame Lit! google+ Hangout on Air. The show featured the founders of One Extraordinary Marriage, Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo, who shared some of their tips on how to keep up the levels of intimacy in your relationship while maintaining a balance in all areas of your life. One of the key points that the couple highlighted was to schedule intimacy with your partner that involves no electronic device interruption. Rather than going out on this night, make this your scheduled intimacy night. Another  idea Tony & Alissa recommend is to take it back to a point where you didn’t really on your computer or cell for entertainment, play naked twister with one another!